


You Drive Me Batty

by lucidscreamer



Series: October 2020 [7]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Background Relationships, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Families of Choice, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Halloween, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Secrets, Sequel, Vampires, Yami Bakura POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26911030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidscreamer/pseuds/lucidscreamer
Summary: Bakura Priestly returns home to find an entire Party City has vomited Halloween all over his house. Clearly, this is the fault of Yugi Mutou."I've never seen so many bats in my entire life and considering that I literally cohabitate with a man known for exploding into an actual cloud of bats--" Because Atem had never met a dramatic entrance and/or exit he didn't embrace with gusto. "--that's saying something."The much requested sequel to "Where There's a Grill There's a Way" is finally here.
Relationships: Atem/Mutou Yuugi, Bakura Ryou/Yami Bakura, Yami Bakura & Marik Ishtar, Yami Bakura & Mutou Yuugi
Series: October 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946449
Comments: 63
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi. No ownership of the canon characters, settings, or events is claimed and none should be implied.
> 
> Prompts:  
> 2\. Monster Mash (7 Snogs Option 4: Autumn/Halloween)  
> 48\. Masks (100 YGO Themes)  
> 5\. Dead Man's Party (31 Days of Halloween)  
> 01\. Confession (10 Vampires)
> 
> Sequel to "Where There's a Grill, There's a Way"

  
"I was gone five minutes!" Bakura Priestly stood in the doorway and stared at the mess formerly known as his home. "What have you morons been doing?!"

Not that he actually needed an answer, as the mess was mostly self-explanatory. Someone had hauled out all -- and he did mean _all_ \-- of the Halloween decorations the family had accumulated over the decades. And when you had the kind of life-spans they did, that was a lot of accumulation. Black bats swooped across the ceiling. Wispy cobwebs adorned every corner and wrapped around the bannisters. Jack-o-lanterns leered in the windows and on the stairs. A skeleton clung to the coat closet door. Black cats arched their backs on the bookcase. Ghosts, ghouls, and goblins lurked in wait for the unwary at every turn. Some wit had even stuck a stuffed raven on a bust of Pallas Athena. He supposed he was lucky they hadn't nailed the damn thing over a chamber door.

"It looks like Tim Burton exploded in here," Bakura said, after taking it all in.

"Nah," said Joey, popping out of the woodwork to annoy Bakura in person rather than just in essence. "In that case there'd be more Johnny Depp."

"Now that is the true meaning of horror," Bakura deadpanned. (Though he did take another surreptitious glance at the decorative carnage, just in case. In Bakura's opinion, Depp had peaked at _Edward Scissorhands_ and should've rested on his laurels. He still hadn't forgiven Depp or Burton for that travesty of a _Dark Shadows_ film. It had been an insult to vampires everywhere.)

Then the thing that had been nagging him since Joey appeared finally flung up the relevant card in Bakura's mental file cabinet and he spun around to gawp at Joey, who had a pair of fuzzy brown wolf ears perched on his head and an equally fuzzy tail pinned to the back of his jeans. The fact that Joey was a werewolf and therefore didn't require a costume to wolf-out appeared to have escaped his notice.

Bakura had a moment's hope that he was dreaming, but a quick pinch to his wrist proved otherwise. "Have you forgotten that you're an actual werewolf or did you just decide to give me an aneurysm for no apparent reason?"

"We're having a Halloween party," Joey said, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world and _Bakura_ was the crazy one. "Gotta have a costume!"

"And you chose--" A gesture took in the faux ears and tail. "Why?!"

"Yugi says it looks cute."

And suddenly everything made sense. Well, not _sense_. Sense was not what was happening in this house right now. More like _non_ sense. But still... "I should've known Mutou was behind this."

If Bakura had an antithesis, it was Yugi Mutou.

Bakura was a sanguivore. Yugi was a vegan.

Bakura was a millennia-old vampire. Yugi was a relatively young human.

Bakura hated parties. Yugi... Well, see Exhibit A, this gods-awful paean to bad taste and bat-bedecked _everything_. (He'd only just noticed the bat motif, which had taken over not only the ceiling but the throw pillows, welcome mat, and twinkly purple lights in the windows. Bakura might be a vampire but that was too batty even for him.)

"I've never seen so many bats in my entire life and considering that I literally cohabitate with a man known for exploding into an actual cloud of bats--" Because Atem had never met a dramatic entrance and/or exit he didn't embrace with gusto. "--that's saying something."

Joey grinned. "Yeah. Ain't they great?"

Bakura stared at him with dawning horror. "Please tell me you're joking. Lie if you must."

"You should see the dining room," Joey continued, ignoring Bakura's demand. "Werewolf heaven!"

"I... don't think I even want to know what that means." Visions of bones and fire hydrants danced in Bakura's head until he shook them away. "Also, why has a Party City vomited all over my house?"

"Pretty sure it's Boss Man's house," Joey retorted with a knowing smirk. "And Little Boss wants a Halloween party, so--" 

He made a sweeping gesture that encompassed the colossal mess of bats, pumpkins, and black cats formerly known as the living room. Because whatever Yugi wanted, Yugi got -- at least as far as Atem was concerned.

"I'm going to kill him," Bakura vowed, words barely intelligible through the growl.

"No, you're not," chirped Joey, snickering.

"No. You're not." Atem's far more threatening intonation echoed Joey's light-hearted one as the vampire lord appeared from the shadows. Red eyes glowered at Bakura. "And no threatening my fiance."

Bakura gulped, then rallied. "Who said I was talking about _Yugi_?"

The expression that bared Atem's white teeth and prominent fangs could only be called a smile by the terminally unobservant. Being the observant type (and not possessing a death wish), Bakura called it what it was: a warning.

"Right. So... What can I do to... help?" he asked, even though it was like biting into a bitter lemon. He grimaced.

Gracious in victory, Atem pointed Bakura toward the stairs. "You can start by bringing the rest of the decorations down from the attic."

"Right," Bakura said again, and rolled his eyes. "Because clearly that's what this house needs -- more bats."


	2. Chapter 2

Bakura was very much not the shy and retiring type. Nonetheless, parties were his idea of hell on earth. Because parties meant people and people were _exhausting_. He was so taking a spa weekend after this. (And by _spa_ he meant _isolated cave somewhere_ and by _weekend_ he meant _month_.)

Because the universe hated him, of course this particular party was to be a masquerade. Bakura hated costumes. Even more, he hated having to police certain others to make sure they didn't try to wear anything inappropriate (Marik) or get out of wearing a costume altogether (Seto). Atem and Yugi were doing some kind of no-doubt cutesy couple's costume, and Joey had his canine heart set on dressing as a cartoon werewolf, which was ridiculous but harmless so Bakura let them be. 

That just left the rest of the family for Bakura to deal with. 

Ishizu's seer abilities were apparently no help when it came to costume parties; she waffled so much between potential costumes that Bakura told her to write her choices on a piece of paper and throw a dart at it. Odion was resigned to wearing whatever coordinated with Marik, since he would need to be especially vigilant (and nearby) to keep the ghoul out of trouble with so many strangers in the house for the party. 

Leaving Ishizu to her dartboard, Bakura snagged Odion and dragged him off in search of the eternal thorn in Bakura's side: Marik "never make a sensible decision when you can make a weird one" Ishtar, who they eventually managed to corner in the backyard. They'd been talking for five minutes and already Bakura wanted to kill something.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Bakura growled. "No, you can not wear your 'birthday suit'."

"Why not? It's not _that_ formal an occasion, is it?" Marik pursed his lips as he considered this. "I suppose I could wear a tie..."

"You are not showing up to any party _I'm_ attending wearing nothing but a tie!"

"You're wearing nothing but a tie? Then why can't I?" Marik asked in the tone of voice that meant he thought he was being reasonable and couldn't understand why Bakura had a problem with it. Beside him a silent Odion looked heavenward as if asking for patience (or possibly a strategic airstrike).

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Resisting the urge to tear out his own hair, Bakura made himself take a deep breath before continuing through clenched teeth. "Pick a costume that includes clothing that covers more than your scrawny neck or I will personally wring it for you."

"You're no fun." And now Marik was pouting. Joy.

Bakura wracked his brain for something that would appeal to Marik without scarring the non-ghouls in the vicinity. Wait... Brains. That might work. "What about something from that television show you like? The one with all the dead things."

"The news?"

"No, you idiot." What was the damn thing called? "The one with the shambling corpses and the psychopaths."

"Still sounding like the news."

"They're obsessed with eating brains -- And so help me George Romero, if you say 'the news' again I am going to stake you on the roof for the vultures."

Fortunately for Marik, he had a moment of lucidity and said, "Oh, _Z-Nation_! With the zombies!"

Was it? Bakura had been thinking it was something like _The Walking Corpses_ , but whatever. As long as it meant he could stop talking Marik out of nudity before Bakura's brain melted out his ears. "Yes, good, fine. You can be a zombie, right?"

"Yes!" Marik clapped his hands happily. "I wanna be Murphy. He's blue."

"A blue zombie?" Bakura exchanged a long-suffering look with Odion.

Marik nodded sagely. "Much better than a green one, y'know." Leaning in, he added in a stage-whisper, "It's not easy being green."

"Thanks for that, Kermit." Rolling his eyes, Bakura handed over responsibility for the zombie costume to Odion along with the admonishment to make certain Marik showed up (and remained for the duration of the party) fully clothed.

And then he went off to browbeat Seto into compliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote what I thought was going to be the last chapter of this (and it still is the _final_ chapter), and then Bakura informed me he still had a lot to say. And also that I was delusional if I thought I was getting out of writing the actual party. XD So, rather than 2 chapters this is now a 4 chapter fic.
> 
> Bakura: What's that other show called then?  
> Odion: The Walking Dead.  
> Malik: Ooh, that's my favorite cooking show! All those lovely recipes for corpse tartar...  
> Odion: *facepalm*  
> Bakura: ...Spa _year_.


	3. Chapter 3

The day of the party, Yugi showed up well in advance to prepare the food. He brought his own assistant and then politely but firmly shooed everyone but Atem out of the kitchen. The fact that Atem was allowed to remain told Bakura a couple of things. (1) Yugi Mutou was either a sucker for punishment or a bad-ass, and (2) he really loved Atem because otherwise there was no way he'd voluntarily share a kitchen with a man who burned water and exploded eggs.

And then Bakura, on his way out of the kitchen, overheard Yugi gently but firmly admonishing Atem that he could sit and watch but under no circumstances was he to touch any food or anything food-adjacent. Bakura's respect immediately went up a notch and he reassessed his initial impression: Yugi Mutou was _definitely_ a bad-ass.

Entering the living room, Bakura was just in time to overhear an argument over climate control between Marik and Seto.

"...is _fine_."

"No! It's too cold in here!"

"Then put on some clothes, you exhibitionist."

"The heat pump is hungry for human souls. We must make a sacrifice!" Marik exclaimed, thrusting his bare arms ceilingward.

Seto sighed. "Or we could try adjusting the thermostat."

"Tch. _Boring_."

"And yet, that's what we're doing." Seto pushed past Marik and fiddled with the thermostat, presumably to bring the temperature to whatever level he deemed acceptable.

"Remember there will be humans attending this shindig," Bakura said, keeping a weather eye on Marik, who was edging with exaggerated "stealth" toward the great marble fireplace on the other side of the room. "Keep the temperature at something within their comfort zone."

"Don't tell me what to do," Seto snapped, not looking away from the thermostat.

"I'm giving you complete freedom," Bakura assured him, "to do exactly what I want."

"Ha, ha."

"Mwahahahaha!" contributed Marik from where he was now stacking wood in the fireplace.

Bakura rounded on him. "What do you think you're doing?"

Marik attempted to look innocent. It would have worked better without the zombie make-up. (At least Bakura hoped all that gore was make-up and not the aftermath of a particularly messy meal.) "Nothing."

"'Nothing' doesn't require stacking a small pyramid of firewood in the hearth," Seto noted, finally turning away from fussing with the thermostat.

"It _could_." 

"I could turn into a pretty yellow butterfly, too, but it isn't likely."

"Oooh, could you? I wanna see! Do it, now. Do it, do it, do it!"

Sensing that this could get bloody very quickly, which would mean a mess to clean up and possible party delays, Bakura stepped in. "Shut up, Marik. And, Seto, why aren't you getting dressed?"

"I am dressed," Seto said, sweeping a hand out to indicate his casual slacks and polo shirt.

"I meant in costume. As you very well know."

"I'm wearing my costume." Seto had the gall to look smug. "I'm going as a psychopath. They--"

"I've seen that movie, too, Wednesday," Bakura interrupted. Did he have to go through this again? Why couldn't anyone in this damn family just cooperate? "And hell to the no you're not. Go put on an actual costume or I'll make you dress up as a damn cat. You and Wheeler already squabble like cats and dogs, it'll be right up your alley."

"Ha!" shouted Marik. "Alley cat! Good one, Bakura."

Bakura ignored him, still focusing his laser glare on the other idiot in the room. "I mean it, Seto. I can have a set of fake fuzzy ears and a tail here before you can say 'Meow Mix'."

Behind him, Marik began singing "meow meow meow meow" under his breath. Bakura left him to it and continued glaring at an unrepentant Seto. "Do I have to get Atem involved?"

Seto sneered at the threat.

"Really? You don't think he'll lose his damn mind at the thought of something ruining his beloved's Halloween party?" Bakura glanced around at the over-the-top decorations. Somehow, in the short time he'd been out of the room, the bat population had multiplied. "Do you really want to go down that road? Let me know now so I can be in a bunker the next state over before the shit hits the fan."

"... _Fine_." Seto growled the word before stalking toward the stairs, presumably to get his stubborn ass into some sort of costume in time for the party.

Behind Bakura, there was a metallic snick and the sound of rushing flames, followed shortly by a high-pitched shriek. Fuck. Bakura slowly turned, dreading what he would find.

It was exactly as bad as he thought it would be.

"Ishizu!" he shouted, irritation outweighing resignation for a moment. "Your brother's on fire again!"

From upstairs came the distracted response. "I'll be right there! Just let me finish this level of Lego Harry Potter..."

Dammit. There was no way Bakura was taking the fall for ruining Yugi's party by letting Marik burn the damn house down. Not to mention the whole 'burning the house down' thing would be inconvenient on its own. Grabbing a large vase of fresh flowers off the sideboard, Bakura up-ended it over Marik's head and watched as the flames sputtered and died. Then he just stood there and breathed smoke-scented air for a long moment before speaking.

"...Marik?"

Wet hair clinging to his face as he slumped on the rug, Marik grinned up at him. "Yes?"

"Which is your favorite kneecap?"

Marik blinked in apparent confusion. "My... right one?"

Bakura made sure Marik caught him giving the fireplace poker a significant look. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

An audible gulp -- and continuing to smolder lightly -- was Marik's only response.

"Now," Bakura said with a kind of manic calm. "Clean up this mess or I'll bury you in the backyard until after the party."

* * *

  
Bakura's house was filled with humans. As a vampire, he was a bit ambivalent about this. On the one hand, humans were annoying. On the other, they were food. (On the third, mutant hand, Atem would literally kill him if he sank so much as a single fang into one of Yugi's friends so it was rather like filling a diabetic's pantry with their favorite off-limits candy. Look but don't taste! Not the best way to put anyone in a party mood.) And worse, Bakura was expected to not only endure the presence of all these humans but also to interact with them in a context other than as predator and prey. If Bakura had ever believed that life was fair, this night alone would've disabused him of the notion.

Case in point, the current conversation he'd been roped into by a low-rent Colonial Marine.

"That's a cool name, dude," Annoying Human #1 was saying as Bakura pretended to care. "Bah-koor-ah. Say, does anyone ever call you 'Kura for short?"

"Not twice." Bakura put three thousand years of disdain into his sneer and watched the boy wither at the scathing tone. "Does anyone ever call _you_ \--"

" _Bakura_ ," Atem interrupted, gliding up with Yugi in tow. Atem's tone easily upped the 'scathing' to eleven. Red flickered briefly in his eyes, a warning for Bakura to be nice or face the consequences. "I see you're getting to know _Yugi's friends_." 

"Yes, and what a joyous occasion it is," Bakura said, just this side of snide but sincerely enough that Atem couldn't smite him without looking like a jerk in front of Yugi and his buddy. "I was just about to ask..." He trailed off, having forgotten the dweeb's name within seconds of hearing it. Given his interest level it was entirely possible he'd forgotten it _before_ hearing it.

The dweeb, who was apparently smarter than Bakura had given him credit for and quite aware of Bakura's predicament, just rocked on his heels and smirked as Bakura floundered. It was perpetual cinnamon roll Yugi who came to his rescue.

"Tristan! Be nice." Yugi gave Bakura an apologetic smile that would have melted a lesser man's hard heart. Fortunately, Bakura was made of sterner stuff. "He's not usually a jerk, I promise."

"Only when I need to be," Tristan agreed, his expression proclaiming that he considered this one of those times. If he weren't one of Yugi's pals and therefore off-limits, Bakura might've put Tristan on his 'to be bitten' list just for that look alone. "Hey, cool costume, Yugi."

That drew Bakura's attention to what the pair were wearing. "What are you two supposed to be, anyway?"

Atem was kitted out in a poofy chef's hat, bushy fake mustache, black and white striped shirt with a bat bow-tie, and an orange apron that read "Vert der ferk?!" Yugi was wearing a red and white popcorn carton with small pink... things... glued all over it. He grinned at Bakura. "We're the Swedish Chef and popcorn shrimp!"

Bakura groaned at the pun. But considering the food hell he'd gone through to get these two together, he figured it was appropriate. And he had to give Yugi props for not being self-conscious about his height (or lack thereof) since he knew someone here was going to make the inevitable shrimp joke. It wouldn't be _him_ , both because it was too damn easy and because _Atem was standing right there_. Bakura preferred to live, thanks.

Yugi and Tristan made small talk for a few minutes while Atem pretended to care and Bakura tried to think of a graceful exit strategy. He'd finally decided to just make a run for it when a woman called out to Yugi and hurried over to join them. She had white-blonde hair down to her waist and a headband with springy insectile antennae atop her head. Her glittery dress just brushed her knees, and a pair of opalescent dragonfly wings sprouted from her back, held in place by an ingenious harness that blended into the dress. She gave Yugi a quick hug before stepping back and smiling shyly at them all.

"This is my friend Kisara," Yugi said, leaning into the arm Atem wrapped around him. "She works in the mayor's office."

"Nice to meet you," Bakura said, managing the bare minimum of politeness while keeping a sharp eye out for anything about to go horribly wrong (by which he mostly meant watching Marik and waiting for the inevitable).

As if merely thinking his name was enough to summon him, Marik skittered by looking furtive. He leaned in to the group long enough to stage-whisper, "If anyone asks where the cupcakes are, pretend you've never heard of them!" before disappearing back into the crowd.

Bakura spared a moment to wonder if he could drown himself in the punch bowl. Pity he didn't actually need to breathe...

"Who was _that_?" Kisara looked mildly shell-shocked, which was the default when exposed to Malik for the first time.

"You don't want to know. Trust me. Most of the time, I wish _I_ didn't." Bakura really was going to bury that moron in the backyard and leave him there for a week. "If you'll all excuse me, I have to go see what kind of damage he's causing."

"Oh, I'm sure it's fine," Yugi said, though even he looked a bit dubious.

Atem motioned Bakura on. "Better to err on the side of sanity. We'll see you later, Bakura."

With a quick nod of acknowledgment to the unspoken order, Bakura took off after the vanished ghoul. Fortunately, it didn't take him long to find his quarry. He just followed the sound of shrieking, arriving just in time to see a woman dressed in an elaborate feather-trimmed, peacock-print gown deck Marik head-first into a pile of papier-mâché pumpkins. Resigned to having to smooth her ruffled feathers, Bakura asked, "What did he do to deserve that?"

"He took my cupcake," she drawled, violet eyes giving him the once-over before offering a magazine cover smile. "I take my desserts very seriously."

"Obviously." Bakura's answering smile was every bit as fake. "May I congratulate you on your form? That right hook was flawless."

Her expression warmed a bit. "Why thank you, kind sir. I'm Mai Valentine. And you are?"

"Busy corralling this idiot." He reached down and pulled Marik out of the smashed pumpkins and gave him a good shake. "I told you to behave. Is this your idea of behaving?"

"But I _have_ to liberate all the cupcakes," Marik protested, flailing dramatically from where he hung in Bakura's grip. "I'm the leader of the Cupcake Liberation Army!"

Not this again. First it was golf balls, then it was whatever object caught Marik's mercurial attention for the duration of his fixation. The time before this one, it had been oysters. They hadn't been able to even go near a seafood restaurant or fishmonger for almost a month. (Bakura still hadn't forgiven Odion for letting Marik watch that particular episode of _The A-Team_.) Speaking of Odion, where had the slacker gotten off to? He had one job and Bakura was going to make sure he damn well did it.

" _Bakuuuuuraaaa_ ," Marik whined, paddling the air with all four limbs as he struggled to get free. "Lemme go! I have to free the cupcakes from their pastry oppression."

"I'll show you oppression if you don't shut up and be still." Bakura shook him again.

Marik hung limply for a moment before grumbling, "Do you gotta be so mean to me?"

"Yes," Bakura said, distracted as he looked for Odion among the dancers crowding the center of the living room. "These days it's one of my few legal forms of entertainment."

Mai laughed. "My, aren't _you_ interesting?" 

The look Mai was giving him now held more intrigue than Bakura was prepared to deal with. Not that she wasn't attractive enough, but he'd learned the hard way that humans were generally more trouble than they were worth as bed-partners. He preferred his lovers to smell less like a midnight snack.

"I'll endeavor to be less interesting in the future. Now, you'll have to excuse us," he said, still holding Marik easily suspended by one hand fisted in the back of the ghoul's shirt. "I have to talk to a man about a gh-- zombie."

"Don't be a stranger, hon!" Mai called after them as Bakura ducked into the hall.

He strode quickly down the hall to the kitchen and out through the back door where he dumped his burden on the ground and then fished in his pocket for his phone. After Odion's number went to voicemail, Bakura dialed Ishizu.

"Where's Odion?" he demanded as soon as the call connected.

" _What_?" The thumping bass of the music nearly drowned out Ishizu's question. "Hold on a second!"

While waiting, Bakura was forced to reacquire Marik, who was attempting to crab-walk away. "Don't make me hang you on the wall somewhere," he threatened.

"All in all, I'm not a... 'nother brick in the wall," Marik sang, then wagged his tongue mockingly.

"Bakura?" Ishizu's voice interrupted whatever comeback Bakura might have made, but he didn't care since it meant he could hand off responsibility for the ghoul and get back to making sure nothing else went pumpkin-shaped. "Why're you calling me? Where are you?"

"In the backyard. _With Marik_." He growled those last two words. "Where the hell is Odion? He's been letting this maniac run around unsupervised."

The snicker Marik let out upon hearing this did not bode well for the current state of his caretaker. Bakura glared at the ghoul. "What did you do?"

"Oh, no," came Ishizu's response over the phone. "I'll be right there."

Bakura put the phone away so he could focus the entire force of his displeasure on Marik. He repeated his earlier demand, with a shake after each word for emphasis. " _What_ did you _do_?"

"Do? Who? Who do? You do! Do what? Remind me of the babe!"

"I swear to Bowie they will never find your body if you don't--"

"Bakura!" Ishizu burst out of the house, out of breath from her haste and looking like an avenging (if flustered) warrior in her comic-book-inspired red and blue leather armor. "I can't find Odion!"

He assumed she meant with her visions, since she wouldn't have had time to search the house. He shot a fresh glare down at his captive. " _Marik_. What the hell have you done with Odion this time?"

"I'll never tell! Mwahahahaha!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would've had this up sooner but I've had the devil of a time figuring out costumes for everyone. Now I have to figure out what Marik has done with Odion....


	4. Chapter 4

Marik remained stubbornly mum on the subject of Odion and his whereabouts, instead donning a mulish expression and mumbling nonsense to himself about cupcakes. Eventually, Bakura threw up his hands and left Marik in Ishizu's care, admonishing her to do a better job of it than her brother.

Back at the party, Bakura reported his findings (or lack of them) to a temporarily Yugi-less Atem. The vampire lord scowled at Bakura, then said, "Search the house. If you don't find him, come and get me."

Nodding, Bakura headed for the stairs. Even upstairs, the noise of the party was a low hum of conversation and music. He tuned it out with some effort; the music especially would make it difficult if not impossible to listen for Odion's heartbeat. The house was filled with strange odors overlapping the embedded scents of the family, so that he doubted even a werewolf like Joey would have much luck finding one scent among thousands. Not much use asking him to try unless they got desperate. Instead, Bakura was reduced to searching the human way: opening closet doors and looking under beds and behind curtains like a little kid playing hide-and-seek.

He exited one of the bedrooms and almost collided with someone coming out of the guest bathroom.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," gushed the stranger. Another of Yugi's friends, this one dressed as some sort of nature spirit if the bark-like face paint and flora covered costume was anything to go by. A curly green wig entwined with leaves draped over his shoulders and blended into an equally abundant beard. The human made an odd little gesture, half bow/half nod, and added, "I'm afraid I didn't see you there."

"I wasn't looking where I was going," Bakura admitted. "Say, have you seen a mostly bald man dressed as a zombie around anywhere?"

Nature Boy gave a confused blink, then shook his head. "No, sorry."

"Eh, it was a long shot, anyway."

"Perhaps I can help you look for him?" Nature Boy stuck out his hand, encased in a brown glove that matched the bark pattern painted onto his exposed skin. "I'm Ryou Bakura."

Both Bakura's eyebrows shot up. "How odd," he said before he could think better of it.

"Oh?"

"I'm Bakura. Priestly." Against his better judgment, he shook Natu-- Ryou's hand. "How odd that our names are so similar."

"Oh, yes, that is a strange coincidence." 

Of course, Bakura didn't mention that 'Bakura Priestly' wasn't the name his parents had given him. It wasn't even the name he'd been using a century ago. In fact, the whole 'Priestly' thing had been Atem's idea of a joke (Marik thought it was hilarious). In all fairness, the one time Atem had allowed Seto to choose their names had been far worse. 'Priestly' was at least unembarrassing and easy to pronounce, unlike the moniker Seto had stuck Atem with for that one memorable decade now known as The Reason Seto Isn't Allowed to Name Anything Ever.

Drawing his attention back to the present, Bakura started off down the hall and was only partially surprised when Ryou tagged along. Forcing himself to make polite small talk (a chore he usually considered beneath him) Bakura asked, "Are you enjoying the party?"

"Mm-hmm. Yugi's gone all out, as usual." Ryou's gaze skimmed the hallway, which was as bat-bedecked as the lower level of the house. The one at the end of the hall had glowing red eyes and an uncanny resemblance to Atem in one of his Moods. "And it's nice to finally meet his new friends."

"I'm assuming you'd already met Atem?" Though Bakura couldn't be sure; Atem had been surprisingly cagey about his relationship and none of the family had even known Yugi _existed_ until Atem was on the verge of proposing.

"He was always coming to the cafe to see Yugi, so yes. And Yugi talks about him all the time." Soft brown eyes sharpened a bit as he slanted a sidelong look at Bakura. "I was surprised to find that Atem has such a large family, to be honest. Neither he nor Yugi ever mentioned it."

Bakura snorted. "Well, Atem never mentioned Yugi until our help was needed to cook a meal for him."

To his surprise, Ryou snickered. "Oh, I've heard about that meal!"

"If you think what he actually served to Yugi was bad, you should've seen what we threw out as entirely inedible." Bakura shuddered at the memory. "That kitchen will never be the same." 

They both chuckled. Ryou added, "He's been giving Atem cooking lessons, you know. At his apartment."

Bakura hadn't known, since neither of them had mentioned it (and frankly, he figured he was better off not knowing what they got up to when they were alone). Still, "I should hope at his apartment. If he used his restaurant kitchen, he'd never pass a health inspection ever again. We have Cthulhu on our ceiling."

At the startled look Ryou gave him, Bakura elaborated. "I mean, a stain that _looks_ like-- Several pots more or less exploded and there was fire at one point--"

"Oh, of course! A _stain_..." Ryou's laugh was a bit strained. He glanced around as Bakura checked behind the curtains of the reading nook built into a bay window and then, for the hell of it (and because he wouldn't put anything past Marik) behind the lush leaves of a nearby potted ficus. "Is your friend hiding from the party? Is he very shy?"

"He's..." Bakura trailed off, realizing belatedly that he couldn't finish that sentence with anything approaching reality without sounding insane. "...something. Look, Ryou, I appreciate your offer to help, but I don't want to keep you from the party. Yugi would never forgive me." More to the point, _Atem_ wouldn't. "Why don't you head back downstairs?"

"If you're sure...?"

"Absolutely." When Ryou still hesitated, Bakura added, "You could do me a favor and let Atem know I still haven't located Odion."

Appearing much happier, Ryou nodded. "I'll do that, then. And perhaps once you've found your friend we could speak some more? I'd like to get to know you better. After all, we're going to be practically family once Yugi and Atem wed."

"...Sure."

"Great! See you later, then." And he trotted off, verdant curls bouncing and bright flowers waving merrily in his wake.

Bakura stood there in the deserted hallway for a long moment and wondered what the hell had just happened.

* * *

  
When Bakura returned to the party, having found no sign of Odion after searching the upper floor and attic, he immediately sought out Seto. He found the other vampire standing by the fireplace, holding a cup of punch and speaking to the woman in the dragonfly costume. For a second he couldn't figure out what was wrong with Seto's face, and then he realized the man was smiling. Bakura nearly tripped over his own feet when Seto laughed at something the woman said. Damn it, what had Yugi put in that punch? Was everyone going nuts tonight?

"Seto, I need to--" he started, only to have Seto brush past him with the fairy lady in tow.

"Can't hear you over the sound of her awesome," Seto said, and tugged his companion toward the cleared space at the center of the room where they joined the other dancers.

Bakura eyed Seto's discarded cup of punch and shuddered. Dear gods... What kind of mind-warping potion had Yugi concocted?

"Bakura!" Atem's voice startled Bakura out of his horrified contemplation. "Ryou said you hadn't found Odion. Is he--?"

"Still missing." Turning, Bakura said, "I've looked everywhere except under the kitchen sink."

Atem pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Very well. Where is Marik?"

"I left him in the backyard with Ishizu." Glancing around, Bakura didn't see any sign of Yugi. "Where's your better half?"

"In the kitchen, replenishing the buffet. So now would be the best time to deal with this. Come on." 

Atem led the way to the front door, pausing only long enough to order Seto to keep an eye on things while they were gone. Given the way Seto was dancing, Bakura doubted the words even registered as more than background noise.

The two of them slipped out the door and around the house, easily hopping the fence that enclosed the backyard. They found Marik sprawled on the grass like a beached starfish and lazily singing an improvised tune about cupcakes. A very bored and irritated looking Ishizu sat primly on a nearby bench. She rose as they approached.

"Did you find him?" she asked, peering around them as if they might be hiding Odion in one of their back pockets.

"Unfortunately not," Atem said, glaring down at Marik. "This has gone on long enough. What have you done with your brother?"

"O brother, where art thou?" declaimed Marik, an exaggerated expression of confusion contorting his features. Relaxing, he folded his arms behind his head and gazed up at the sky. "Don't fret. He's fine. Just... not here."

Striding over to join Atem, Bakura kicked the bottom of Marik's foot to draw his attention and demanded, "Then where the hell is he?"

"I'll never tell!" Still on the ground, Marik scrambled away from Bakura's reaching hands. "You can't make me!"

"Oh, I can make you." Bakura started to advance on him, only to be held back by Atem.

"Wait." Tilting his head, Atem studied the ghoul. "You wouldn't hurt your brother. And he's learned his lesson about dereliction of duty after the last time..."

The "last time" being when Odion had fucked off to Puerto Vallarta during the cooking debacle. Upon discovering the desertion, Bakura had promptly cancelled Odion's credit cards and left him stranded until Odion had called for help. After sufficient grovelling on Odion's part, Atem had dispatched Bakura to bring their prodigal family member home. If Bakura had used the opportunity to teach Odion a few more home truths of his own, well... He wasn't Atem's enforcer for nothing.

Marik was beginning to look worried. When Atem's eyes began glowing red, the ghoul leaped to his feet and darted behind Ishizu.

"You know where he is?" Bakura asked, wondering what Atem had figured out that he hadn't.

Instead of responding to the question, Atem lifted both hands and muttered something under his breath. The solar lights dotting the patio dimmed and went out, leaving them with only the light spilling from the windows (and the full moon overhead) to see by. Fortunately, as a vampire Bakura had excellent night vision. Shadows pooled around Atem's feet before swirling up to form a portal. Beyond the opening, which resembled nothing so much as a rip in space-time, black and purple fog twisted and roiled in an endless expanse of darkness. For a suspended moment, nothing happened. 

Atem hissed something at the shadows. Still nothing. He thrust out one hand and grasped air, twisting his wrist as if pulling a fistful of space free from the other side of the portal, and then yanked it toward himself.

Shadows burst from the portal and coalesced into the form of Mahaad, who folded his arms over his chest and sulked at them.

"Bring Odion back," Atem commanded, ignoring the shadow-spawn's theatrics. " _Now_."

Marik squawked. "Wha--? How did you--? I mean, he doesn't have Odion! Nope, no sirree, not at all."

"How on earth did you convince this slacker to help you?" Bakura still hadn't forgiven Mahaad for... a lot of things, really, starting with being a smug bastard and ending with the current situation. (The list was a work in progress.)

"Cupcakes," Atem said, pointing out a smear of orange frosting on Mahaad's armor where it clashed horribly with the purple. "His sweet tooth is his greatest weakness."

" _Fucking_ \--"

"Mahaad, bring Odion back right now and I will overlook this incident." Atem's tone strongly implied that further disobedience would not be met with as much generosity.

Sighing, the shadow-spawn pointed his staff at a spot just beyond the portal. In a showy swirl of dark magic, a giant top hat appeared out of the ether.

"If an enormous rabbit hops out of that and tries to re-enact _Night of the Lepus_ ," Bakura said through clenched teeth, "I will personally chop you into little purple pieces and make Mahaad jam out of them."

The shadow-spawn spared him an unimpressed glance before waving his staff again. The hat wobbled, tipped, and spilled a disgruntled Odion onto the grass.

" _Spoilsport_ ," hissed Marik, slumping into a dejected heap at Ishizu's feet.

"I hate everyone," Odion announced as he got up, dusted himself off, and stalked past them into the house. The door slammed behind him.

"Well, that's just peachy. Who the fuck is going to keep Marik out of trouble now?" Bakura realized his mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth and hurried to add, "Not me! I promised to talk to one of Yugi's friends and he seemed too sensible for me to inflict Marik on him."

" _You're_ making friends?" Atem gave him a look of such approval that Bakura had to fight the urge to check over his shoulder to see who might be standing there. "That's wonderful, Bakura. And not to fear, I wasn't going to make _you_ tend to Marik."

He turned his red gaze on Mahaad, who cringed.

"No, I have someone else in mind for _that_ particular honor."

* * *

At least they didn't have to worry about finding Mahaad a costume, since he was already wearing his usual armor. With Marik firmly in hand, the shadow-spawn headed for the dessert end of the buffet which Yugi had replenished with cupcakes. Satisfied that ghoul and shadow-spawn were occupied, Bakura straightened his frock coat and top hat (he'd dressed as Gary Oldman's Dracula) and glanced around the living room.

The party was still going strong. Seto was once again (or still?) dancing with his Dragonfly. Peacock Lady was flirting with Joey for some unfathomable reason (there was no accounting for taste), and Atem had sought out Yugi for a snog sheltered by a "convenient" patch of darker shadows in the corner. A woman dressed as a Klingon warrior was commiserating with Ishizu about their lack of female friends, while a shorter blonde in a Victorian archaeologist's get-up complained plaintively to anyone who would listen (and quite a few who wouldn't) about "her Yugi" being stolen by "some guy who can't even cook!"

Absolutely no one and nothing required Bakura's attention. It was bliss.

A hand tapped him on the shoulder. Sighing (and expecting the worst), Bakura turned -- and found the Leshy standing there with a small smile peeking through his leafy beard.

"Care to dance?" the Green Man asked.

"You know what?" Bakura said, surprising himself with the response that sprang immediately to his lips. "I damn well think I _do_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For QueenOfPlotTwists, Ryou makes an appearance this time. Hope you enjoyed it. :)
> 
> I went back and corrected "Malik" to "Marik" in the previous chapters. (I can't believe I checked to see if I used "Isis" or "Ishizu" and totally forgot that! In my defense, I hardly ever use "Marik" so I defaulted to "Malik".) Hopefully I got them all.
> 
> One more chapter to go! I'm so glad I was actually able to finish this before Halloween. There will be a list of all the songs references, the costumes, etc. at the end of the fic.


	5. Chapter 5

The party had, by all accounts, been a success. No one had died or set anyone else on fire. Seto had unbent enough to dance with that dragonfly woman -- _without_ Atem threatening him with dismemberment and burial in the nearest swamp -- and spent the rest of the night in her company. He'd _smiled_. It had been mildly terrifying. 

Fortunately, Bakura had had Ryou's company to help take his mind off things. Also fortunate that Mahaad had managed to keep Marik out of trouble (and to stuff his face with cupcakes), which meant there were fewer things to worry about in the first place.

As the evening progressed, Odion had come out of his sulk to somehow become the life of the party. He and the whiny blonde archaeologist had disappeared together at the end of the night. Knowing that Odion had spent time in the Shadow Realm thanks to Marik and Mahaad, Bakura had mentally wished the man luck and turned a blind eye to Odion's dereliction of duty when morning came and there was still no sign of him.

Just this once, Bakura would allow Odion to shirk his duty with no repercussions. But no way in hell was he letting anyone else get out of clean-up duty.

* * *

  
Bakura stood in the center of the living room and squinted at the ceiling. One of the felt bats looked distinctly different from its brethren. As in "pink and covered with rainbow sprinkles" different. In fact, the bat was trailing a long pink smear like some kind of sugary comet tail. 

"Is that cupcake frosting?" He shot a suspicious glare at Marik, who was lounging upside down on the sofa, feet in the air and blond hair trailing on the rug.

From across the room where he was shoveling trash into an industrial sized bag, Joey yelped then tried to look nonchalant. "...I can neither confirm nor deny."

What the hell had he and that peafowl woman gotten up to last night?!

"You're cleaning that up," Bakura told him, turning away before Joey could try to weasel his way out of the task.

"I'm not the one who can fly!" Joey's loud objection followed Bakura into the hallway.

"Ladders are a thing, Wheeler!" Bakura shouted back.

" _Oooh_ , what a feeeellliiing, when there's frosting on the _ceeeeillliiing_ ," Marik's voice sang out. Then he switched tunes and added, "Lick it! Lick it good!"

"What? No! Bakura, get back here and corral this maniac before he-- Ew. Too late."

Deciding that not giving a fuck was the better part of valor, Bakura power-walked his way to the dining room and didn't look back. Then he saw who was already in the dining room and attempted an abrupt retreat.

"Bakura! I've been looking all over for you." 

Yugi Mutou's cheerful voice froze Bakura in his tracks. Where Yugi went, Atem was sure to follow and it wouldn't be good for Bakura's continued health if he were rude to Atem's fiancé where Atem could see it, hear it, or find out about it through some sense Bakura didn't know about but didn't doubt Atem would spontaneously develop just to spite him.

Slowly, Bakura turned back to face the human. "Yugi. I didn't know you were here."

"I helped make the mess, so of course I'm gonna be here to help clean it up."

"That puts you head and shoulders above most of the people who actually live here," Bakura said, ignoring the inadvertent height joke. "Also, don't go in the living room unless you want to be scarred for life."

"Uh...?"

"Marik's in there being--" He shrugged as words failed him. "--Marik."

"Ah."

Yugi hadn't been hanging around with the entire family for that long, but it had already been long enough for him to be exposed to some of Marik's milder weirdness. Mostly, the rest of them tried to keep Marik as far away from Yugi as possible. How much more difficult would it be when he was a permanent fixture, not just in their lives, but in their home? And when was Atem going to grow a pair and tell Yugi the truth about the Creature Feature Yugi was signing up for by marrying him?

"Soooo..." Bakura drawled as he glanced around the dining room, which was slowly being de-Halloweened. There were still fake cobwebs clogging the corners and plastic spiders dripping from the chandelier, but the fog-machine was gone, as were the piles of fake bloody bones that had inspired Wheeler to call the room _werewolf heaven_. "You seem to have things well in hand here, so I'll just be going--"

"Oh. I was hoping to talk to you," Yugi interrupted, sounding so disappointed that Bakura fully expected Atem to bat-cloud into the room like the overprotective drama king he was just so he could smite Bakura for daring to make Yugi unhappy.

"...Okay. What about?" 

"Well, um." Yugi was suddenly bashful, twisting one hand in the top of the trash bag he was holding and staring at his shoes. After a moment of this he seemed to get a hold of himself and glanced around. "Could we sit down first?"

Okay, this was starting to worry Bakura. He yanked one of the chairs out and gestured Yugi toward it before dropping heavily onto another. Atem would literally kill him if he'd somehow managed to drive his fiancé away. Oh, gods, that wasn't it, was it? Bakura knew he'd been stand-offish, but that was his default. He'd never meant to make Yugi feel unwelcome. Surely, he hadn't really--?

"Please tell me you're not breaking up with him," Bakura blurted as sincerely as he'd ever said anything in his entire unlife. "Anything but that."

"What?" Yugi looked genuinely shocked. "No!"

Bakura went nearly boneless in relief. The gods had not abandoned him! He made a mental note to buy a side of beef and make some offerings in gratitude. (And if he donated the reverted offerings to a homeless shelter or something, no one ever had to know.) In the meantime, he forced himself to sit upright again and fixed Yugi with a frown. "Don't do that to me. My heart can't take the strain."

"Why would you even think--? No, never mind." Yugi held up one hand and shook his head. "We can come back to that later."

Or not. Bakura glowered at him. "What _did_ you want to talk to me about?"

"Um. Secrets, actually." And now Yugi was back to looking uncomfortable. 

_Uh-oh_. While not as bad as a potential break-up, this was still not good. They were keeping a lot of secrets and Bakura was forced to admit that they weren't always that subtle -- or diligent -- about it. They'd gotten rather sloppy of late, which was beyond reckless in this decade of ubiquitous cameras and constant surveillance. It was a wonder they hadn't outed themselves before now. And last night's mayhem hadn't exactly helped.

"What... kind of secrets?" Bakura grimaced as he made himself ask, though he didn't particularly want an answer.

Fiddling with a bat-shaped candlestick on the table, Yugi sighed. "I know I should just talk to Atem about this, but..." He looked up at Bakura with big, soulful eyes and Bakura felt his unbeating heart clench. "I'm sure I'm just being silly. I know he's not ashamed of me or anything--"

Bakura couldn't help it. He snorted. "Ashamed of you? Are you lightheaded from lack of oxygen on top of that pedestal he's put you on?" If this were still ancient Egypt, Atem would've put a crown on Yugi's head two seconds after meeting him. "He thinks you hung the damn moon -- and I don't mean the one over there."

Smirking, he pointed at the huge full moon hanging on the wall above the sideboard.

A reluctant snicker escaped from Yugi and the tense line of his shoulders relaxed a bit. "You really think so?"

"Of course. He's head over heels for you, has been for a long time apparently."

Yugi pounced on the qualification. "That. That right there is what I'm worried about! He never wanted to bring me over here. We dated for months before I met any of you guys, and that was after he proposed!" He slumped back into the chair. "I love him, so of course I said yes, but... Why didn't he want to introduce me to his family?"

"You've met us now and you can still ask that? He was afraid of scaring you off."

"You're not _that_ bad." The teasing note in Yugi's voice took any insult out of his words.

"No, we're worse," Bakura said flatly. "We've been on our best behavior -- even Marik -- so you have no idea the kind of craziness we get up to around here."

Dubious eyes met his. "Like what?"

"Oh, no." Bakura held up both hands to ward off the re-emergence of the dreaded puppy eyes. "I am not going to be the one who ruins my lor-- I mean, Atem's relationship."

"Okay, that's another thing I've been meaning to ask you guys about. You all almost call him something and then correct yourselves whenever I'm around. Is it some weird nickname? Like Joey calling him 'Boss Man' all the time?"

"Close enough."

Yugi pouted. " _Bakura_."

"No! Back!" He made a vague warding sign at Yugi. "Your evil wiles won't work on me."

"Eee-eeevil wiiiles," shout-sang Marik, popping up like a jack-in-the-box from beneath the table.

"How the fuck--? No, don't tell me. I don't care." Bakura shoved himself to his feet and grabbed Marik by the nearest earlobe. "Where the hell is--?Mahaad!"

The shadow-spawn arrived at a run and then leaned in the doorway, panting. Bastard was used to popping everywhere and doing it the mortal way was showing how out of shape he'd gotten. (Bakura didn't even try not to be smug about it.)

"Sorry," Mahaad said, glaring at the ghoul. "He gave me the slip."

"Slip sliding awaaaay..." Marik went peacefully from Bakura's grip into Mahaad's. He had pink frosting smeared around his mouth and rainbow sprinkles on his nose like varicolored freckles. As he was led away, he whined, "I wanna stay with the _hemet nisu_. He's nice and he smells pretty -- and I already promised Lord Atem I wouldn't try to eat him! I won't even lick him... Unless he wants me to!"

With an apologetic glance, Mahaad hauled the still whining ghoul out the door. Bakura heard Mahaad shouting for Joey to help him take Marik to the park. Naturally the werewolf jumped at the chance to get out of cleaning and the trio were slamming the front door behind them before Bakura could muster up a suitable threat to get them back to work.

He turned around to find Yugi gaping at him. A hasty rewind of the confrontation with Marik had Bakura groaning and dropping his head into his hands. "Damn it all to fuck."

" _Lord_ Atem?" Yugi said slowly. "That... doesn't really sound like a nickname."

"Really?" Bakura lifted his head. "That had to be the least insane part of that conversation and that's what you focus on?"

" _Lord Atem_ , Bakura."

"Speaking of... Where the hell is His Lordliness anyway?" Because if Bakura was going to have to do the Big Reveal, he damn sure wasn't doing it alone. Dammit, it wasn't even his relationship. Why was he the one doing the heavy lifting?

Despite the fact that he had no aversion to PDA (as Bakura well knew since he was the one stumbling across Atem and Yugi groping in the garden, snogging on the sidewalk, and on one memorable occasion forgetting to shut their bedroom door...), Yugi blushed. 

"He was still asleep last time I saw him," Yugi said, managing to somehow look bashful and innocent in spite of being neither.

"Here?" Bakura couldn't believe Atem had slept through the morning's insanity. Marik's singing alone was enough to wake the dead, or the undead in Atem's case.

"Well, no. After the party, we spent the night at my place. But I wanted to get a head start on the clean up... and to talk to you. So, I slipped out without waking him."

Bakura took a second to think of all the ways _that_ could backfire. In a weak voice, he said, "...Please tell me you left him a note."

"Stop trying to redirect the conversation," Yugi countered. "Why do you call him 'lord'?"

"Because it's slightly less annoying than calling him 'Your Majesty'," Bakura snapped, his mind still playing Technicolor scenes of carnage of Atem -- never at best before his morning cup of blood -- waking up and finding his lover absent without explanation. No telling what erroneous conclusions the idiot might leap to before his brain woke up enough to fake having common sense. There were abandonment issues in there that Bakura would rather not have to deal with on top of everything else that had plopped itself onto his plate like one of Atem's failed cooking experiments.

" _What_?" Yugi's voice had gone up an octave. Much higher and he'd reach levels only bats could hear.

Gaze sharpening as he refocused on Yugi, Bakura said, "You wanted to know."

"I _still_ want to know because you haven't explained _anything_ , just given me more questions!" Now his voice was positively shrill.

"Fine, whatever. In for a penny and all that jazz." Throwing himself back onto one of the dining chairs, Bakura said, "I'll tell you the basics. But you will save any and all freak outs for when Atem can deal with them, because that's above my damn pay-grade."

And he proceeded to lay it all out: their origins in Egypt thousands of years ago, the curse that had turned Atem, Bakura, and Seto into vampires. The accidental meeting that had landed them with a newly made ghoul and his adopted brother and sister. Centuries down the line, they'd added a werewolf to the family--

"--and now we've got our token human." Bakura grinned, showing fangs.

"I thought your costume was a little too realistic last night," Yugi mused. He sounded remarkably blasé for someone who'd just been told that the things that went bump in the night were real and he'd been consorting with them for months. In fact, the only thing he seemed to be freaking out about was... "So, _Atem_ was your _king_?"

"Still is. You don't get to abdicate something like that, especially when you add being a vampire into the mix," Bakura said, staring at Yugi who seemed far too calm. In fact, he was calmer now than when they'd started. Something wasn't right here. Bakura sat up straight, listening to the steady pace of the human's heart. "You're taking this awfully well."

"Hmm?" Yugi pulled his gaze back from whatever far horizon his thoughts had wandered to and met Bakura's eyes. "Oh, well. It's not like I didn't know about the supernatural. I figured out Atem was a vampire about a week after I met him."

Bakura boggled. "Then what was all that bullshit earlier about keeping secrets? You had to know that was why he didn't want you around us!"

"No, I didn't! It honestly never occurred to me that _that_ was the reason why..." Yugi trailed off as if he'd just realized something. "Oh. _Oh,no_."

" _What_?" Bakura demanded. He was a thousand percent done with this entire day, much less this clusterfuck of a conversation. "What is it _now_?"

Eyes wide with some emotion Bakura couldn't quite name, though it was clearly not a happy one, Yugi said, "Does this mean none of you know what _I_ am?"

FINIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language Translations:  
> Hemet nisu -- royal wife (Egyptian) [Because Marik.]
> 
> "Slacker Mahaad" is dedicated to GingerBurst. :D
> 
> **The songs Marik mangles/references are:**
> 
> Dancing on the Ceiling -- Lionel Richie
> 
> Whip It -- Devo
> 
> Evil Woman -- ELO
> 
> Slip Slidin' Away -- Paul Simon
> 
> It's Not Easy Being Green -- Jim Henson
> 
> The Meow Mix commercial jingle
> 
> Another Brick in the Wall -- Pink Floyd
> 
> Magic Dance -- David Bowie
> 
> **Halloween Costumes:**
> 
> Atem and Yugi -- Swedish Chef and Popcorn Shrimp (The video linked below is of the Swedish Chef preparing popcorn shrimp (with real popcorn, of course -- and to the tune of the song "Popcorn" for good measure); it's hilarious.)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvDvTnTGjgQ
> 
> Joey -- generic cartoon werewolf
> 
> Marik -- Murphy (from Z Nation, in his blue-skinned "evolved" form)
> 
> Odion -- generic Romero-style zombie
> 
> Seto -- Blue-Eyes White Dragon (ish)
> 
> Kisara -- Dragonfly Fairy
> 
> Tristan -- Colonial Marine (from the movie "Aliens")
> 
> Mai -- a peacock blue-green gown with feather print, trimmed in faux peacock feathers (just a play on her Japanese name, Kujaku, meaning peafowl)
> 
> Ryou -- some kind of forest/nature spirit (possibly a Green Man or Leshy)
> 
> Rebecca (AKA the "whiny blonde") -- Amelia Peabody (Victorian archaeologist from the series by Elizabeth Peters)
> 
> Tea' -- female Klingon warrior (from ST:TOS, so without the forehead ridges) [This is an in-joke and reference to my old "fic sporkings" from the LiveJournal days where "Te'A" was a Badfic Stand-In and part of the Sporking Crew. She always claimed her misspelled name was her "Klingon name".]


End file.
